Who is that stunningly attractive chipmunk/human mix, you might be asking yourself? This girl is the genius of diets and losing weight, so has she finally figured out what cheeks are REALLY for!? (read: hoarding food to save for later). Alas, no. I am good, but I am not good. While I wish I could say that this cover-shoot-level photo is of me doing something hilarious and/or brilliant, it's actually just my swollen face after having 4 teeth yanked from it.
The upside of all the tooth yanking is that I can't eat solid food and have moved to a mush-and-liquid diet. Basically, I only eat soup, apple sauce, oatmeal, ice cream, and mac and cheese, so I'm living the life. I get to throw temper tantrums and make people bring me food and, because pain meds are glorious in all ways, I only want to eat like half of a normal serving (note: normal servings are about one bajillionth smaller than a Laura serving), and therefore I predict myself losing tons of weight and becoming super skinny and beautiful. It all seems realistic. I mean, what other reason would I have for letting some strange man violently rip 4 teeth I couldn't even feel from my face?
I feel like teeth just get in the way of dieting, really. I mean without teeth, you can't eat pizza or bagels or chips or any of that fattening food. So, if we all had fewer teeth/no teeth, we'd all be super skinny and beautiful, like this lady:
I don't know. Writing is harder with a swollen face. I'll let you guys know how it winds up going after the puffing goes down, which might not be till mid week (UGH). Prediction: as soon as my mouth stops hurting I justify eating way more junk food than I should since I spent the whole weekend not eating it and any weight I lose is for naught.
