How to Diet during "That Time of the Month"

Yup. That about sums my whole life up right now (aka always).

Dieting during "that time of the month" is a very special and wonderful thing.  Not only does your body betray absolutely EVERYTHING you attempt to do to it (no amount of drinking water, eating non-salty/low-cal/healthy meals or exercise is gonna make that button on your jeans cinch), but your brain plays even cleverer mind tricks than usual (or your brain falls for the same tricks easier... it's impossible to tell which). 

In the past, this week has become a close-my-eyes-and-pretend-I'm-not-eating-this kind of week.  Calories really shouldn't count when your body is bloating for fun, anyway.  I also am of the school of thought that calories shouldn't count on the weekends, in the dark, when you're on vacation/abroad for any reason, when you're sick, when you're tired, when you're bored, when you're drinking, when you didn't enjoy your meal, and basically any time you're consuming calories.  They should double or triple count when you're exercising, just to even it all out, ya know? #logic #someonemakethathappen

They key to dieting during this horrible, horrible time is actually to focus on some of those healthier foods that are supposed to help with de-bloating and de-cramping: drink tons of water, eat dark chocolate, increase the fruits and veggies intake, and pile on the lean meats like chicken and turkey. 

BUT WHO WANTS TO DO THAT when you can lay on your couch all day, bingeing on Netflix, smearing Nutella in your face? NO ONE. Who even has that kind of will power anyway?  Especially on a snow day like today??

I guess at the end of the day, it comes down to doing everything you can to make yourself feel good, but not coming down too hard on yourself if you do slip up.  The fact is, you should probably avoid your scale at ALL COSTS no matter what (I swear I can put on like 20lbs of water weight during all this), and so as long as you get back on the train, this week basically doesn't even count.  Like Jillian Michaels says, treat a "slip up" or a "cheat" like a flat tire - if you lose one tire, you don't go slashing all the rest, right?  So let the one set back happen (at all points, not just this particularly female one) and get right back on the road....train tracks....whichever metaphor is most motivating. 

How To Survive Monday Maladies on a Diet

No one likes Mondays.  Mondays are the days we go back to work: we're sluggish and regretting our food choices from the weekend, we wish we had taken it a little easier (read: drank a little less), and suddenly that super cute pencil skirt is a little tight.  Mondays are basically the days of the "dressed-up-yoga pants" (read: this isn't a thing, get it together girl), so, Mondays on a diet are even worse than regular Mondays.  Mondays on a diet and I rival even Blair and Serena for #frenemiesoftheyear. Fortunately, my friend Amanda the diet and fashion guru has solved all of our Monday maladies!

Don't let your skin-tight-used-to-fit favorite jeans get ya down - if you want them to fit like a glove, wear 'em till they do!

We've all been there: sucking it all in just to stuff your used-to-be-thin legs into those pants just to realize that walking isn't happening.  Of course, that's about when your guy walks in and tells you how awesome your butt looks and "why don't you wear those more often?"  Well, here comes a day of shallow breathing, I guess.  Then you hit that perfect moment where your jeans stretch out juuuust the right amount that they are just loose enough to give you that model-worthy "boyfriend" look, and as you're about to strut your super hip (and comfy!!) look around the town, he turns and goes "why are your pants so baggy? You should get ones that fit better." UGH.  Trust me, though, you don't look anything like those models.. you look like you haven't washed your jeans in days because you're convinced that just because the label hasn't changed, the size hasn't either.  Time for some sit-ups and squats, fatty.

I mean, don't get me wrong.  I'm all about cheating myself into the smallest pants in my closet, but there comes a point where it's time to put down the cheesecake and convince yourself that you actually enjoy that burn you get from having your yoga instructor push you deeper into a pose because you've been doing it the lazy way the whole time.  It's definitely the best.